Farewell to the Old Me
by Grrlnorth
Summary: *ON HIATUS* Edward, whom Bella has loved as long as she can remember, has broken her heart. How does she put herself back together, and who can show her what love really is? Bella/Jasper. AH
1. Requited

AN: I know it might not seem like it at the beginning of this chapter, but this is definitely a Bella/Jasper story. Bear with me. :)

**Chapter 1: Requited**

I felt like I had fire burning its way through my veins. My body flushed red, heat seeming to burst through my pores. I threw my head back, crying out.

"Edward!"

He looked at me as I called his name, his gaze intense. I didn't want to look away from him, but I couldn't help it as my eyes rolled back and I moaned, completely overwhelmed by this foreign feeling. I stiffened as the feeling took over, every part of my body clenched until there was a burst of relief, and it was over.

"Oh. My. God." I said, lifting my head and looking at the love of my life.

Edward smirked that crooked grin of his, looking pretty pleased with himself. He placed a kiss on my thigh – rewarding him with a shiver on my part – before climbing back up the bed to lie next to me.

"Edward, that was..." I trailed off, unable to find the words to describe the way he just made me feel. "That was..."

Still no words.

"I'm glad you feel good, Bella," he said, kissing my temple. I let out a happy sigh. I felt a little sleepy for some reason. Was that normal?

Edward chuckled and kissed my nose.

"You look like you're about to fall asleep, love," he said. "But you should probably get cleaned up first."

Oh. Right. I did feel a little... wet down there.

"I've got to get going. It's almost eleven and Charlie will be knocking on the door to kick me out soon," Edward said as he sat up. I sat up with him.

"Edward," I said, staring into his eyes and running my fingertips across his cheek, "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He kissed me on the forehead, and then placed one chaste kiss on my lips before getting up and crossing the room, giving me a small wave before he walked out the door.

I got myself cleaned up and crawled back into bed to think about my perfect boyfriend. Edward and I had been dating for the most wonderful four months of my existence, but I'd loved him much longer than that. I practically lived in Edward's house growing up, his little sister Alice being my best friend. I always had a thing for Edward, but it wasn't until he went through a bad breakup a little over six months ago that he even noticed me in that way. Just as they were set to go off to college together, his long-time girlfriend Tanya decided to end their relationship.

_I was lying on Alice's bed, my calculus homework laid out in front of me. Alice was in the backyard with her boyfriend Embry. I could hear Alice's girlish shriek followed by a splash as Embry pulled her into the pool. I was trying not to think about what Edward and Tanya might be doing behind the closed door of his room, right across the hall from me. I didn't have to think about it for very long, because Tanya left Edward's room and hurried down the stairs. I barely heard the front door shut behind her when a loud crash came from Edward's room._

_I jumped up off the bed and ran across the hall. Edward's back was to me, and his desk was overturned, its contents scattered on the floor. He turned around toward me, and his face crumpled in pain. I hugged him and let him cry. He told me that Tanya said she didn't want to be tied down as she started college. She was finally getting out of Forks and there was so much out there for her to experience, she said, and she needed to be free to do it. Edward really talked to me that day, and it was the first time he saw me as something other than his little sister's best friend. I became his confidant, someone he could talk to. We spent hours and hours talking over the next couple of months. Edward decided to put college on hold, and though I didn't like seeing him so lost, I was happy he was around. We grew closer and closer, and then one day as we were talking, and he leaned in and kissed me. I was thrilled. It was what I always wanted._

*~*~*~*~*

School the next day was long and insufferable. All I really wanted was to see Edward. He was coming over to my house when I got home from school, and we had a few hours alone together before Charlie came home. I was hoping we could do some more... experimenting. Well, experimenting for me. Edward wasn't a virgin, but I was. The orgasm I experienced the night before was my first.

"Jeez Bella, stop fidgeting," Alice whispered in Spanish class. "You're making me nervous!"

"Sorry."

"What's got you all jittery?"

"I'm just excited to see Edward after school," I said.

"Yeah, so what makes this different than any other day," Alice asked, rolling her eyes. I felt myself blush, and Alice looked at me wide-eyed. "No! Did you guys..."

"Shhh! Alice!" I glanced around to make sure no one was listening to us. "No, not... well..."

"Fingers? Tongue?"

I could have died of embarrassment. Alice had been my best friend since kindergarten, but there were some things I didn't even want to talk to her about, especially since it involved her brother. Alice was a little _too_ open about some things, I thought.

"Fine," Alice said with a smirk when she realized I wasn't going to answer her, "I'll just ask Edward."

My jaw dropped and I shook my head in shock. She wouldn't dare!

"I'm kidding! I don't really want to know anyway. I mean, he's my brother," she said with a shutter.

When class was over I hurried to my truck, happy to finally be going home. Edward's Volvo was in my driveway when I pulled in, and then I saw him standing in the yard.

"Hi," I said with a smile as I walked over to him. I tilted my face up for a kiss.

"Hi," he said, placing a small kiss on my forehead. I frowned, wondering why he didn't kiss me on the lips like usual. "Bella, take a walk with me."

"Ok," I said, confused. I followed him to the trail in the woods. We walked for a bit, and then Edward stopped and turned back toward me.

"Bella..." he started, and I suddenly knew what he was going to say. The look on his face told me everything.

"No, Edward," I said, cutting him off. I shook my head. "Why? Edward, please don't break up with me." I was frantic. My breathing was uneven, and I thought I might start to hyperventilate.

Edward sighed.

"Bella, you're wonderful. Everything I could ask for in a girlfriend."

"Then what's the problem? There's no problem!"

"There is, Bella. I... I'm in love with someone else." He ran a hand through his copper colored hair.

"Tanya," I said quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Yeah," Edward said quietly. "I thought I was over her, I really did. But then she called today, and... she wants to get back together."

"You told me you loved me," I said, my voice quavering.

"I do, Bella, just..."

"Not enough. You love her more."

Edward nodded. He reached up and brushed my tears away with his thumbs.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I really am." He kissed me again on the forehead, and then he turned and walked back the way we came.

I felt like my world was crashing down. The forest seemed to spin around me, and I sat down on the ground, moisture seeping up through the bed of leaves and into my jeans. I didn't care. I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out, or maybe both. I put my head between my knees and closed my eyes, willing the world to stop spinning. Edward was gone. The love of my life, my everything. He didn't want me anymore. I'd loved him for so long. It wasn't so bad before, when I didn't know what it was like to have him, but now...

The sobbing started, big gulping sobs, and I couldn't get ahold of myself. I didn't want to.

And then I threw up.

When I finally made my way out of the forest and to my house, I was cold and clammy and my head was aching, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I crawled into bed with my clothes on, shivering under the blankets with the chill and dampness of the forest still clinging to me. The phone started ringing, but I could hardly hear it – as if I were under water. I ignored it. It kept ringing, and I kept ignoring it. Finally, I fell asleep.

I woke up to the dipping of my mattress, and soft fingers stroking my hair.

"Bella," Alice said softly.

I stared straight ahead, unable to look at her.

"Honey, you're burning up," she said, laying a hand on my forehead. She pulled back the blankets and saw my wet clothes. "Come on, get into some pajamas while I change your sheets."

I did as she said, but I barely knew what I was doing. I felt detached from my body, Alice's voice sounding very far away. After I changed, she handed me some Tylenol and a glass of water. I hadn't even noticed that she had left the room.

"Sweetie, it's going to be okay," she said as I climbed back into bed.

My tears began to pool, and I didn't know how I even had any left. I tried to take a long breath in, but it became a sob.

"Shhh, Baby, shhh," Alice said, lying down behind me and wrapping me in her arms. "It's going to be okay."


	2. Sequestered

**AN: I forgot to say in the last chapter that the title of this story is also the title of a Dar Williams song, so I don't own it. I also don't own any of the characters. Like you really thought I did. **

My books were spread out before me on the kitchen table, and I was really trying to concentrate on my homework. But as usual these days, my mind was drifting elsewhere.

I hadn't been to the Cullens' since Edward and I broke up, thirty-two days before. It was the longest I'd been away from the house I'd come to think of as my second home, and the family I considered my second family. I saw Esme, Edward and Alice's mom, at the grocery store one day and she gave me a big hug and told me she missed me. I missed her too, so much.

My mother Renee left my dad and me when I was too young to remember. She had to get out of Forks, she said, and to live the life she was meant to live. She was a free spirit who went where the wind blew, and that was no life for a child. I still saw her, and I would spend three weeks with her every summer, wherever she may be; Tucson, Santa Fe, San Francisco, Santa Monica... she finally settled down in Jacksonville when she married Phil, a minor league ball player turned coach. She offered me a home with them there, but I turned her down. She was always more of a friend to me than a mother, and Forks was home. My dad was there, my friends were there, and Edward was there. Even before we were a couple, he was always central to my life.

Alice and I met in kindergarten, when she came over and told me she liked my pretty dress. Obviously I didn't dress myself then (I think that dress was a gift from my grandmother) because Alice very rarely complimented what I chose to wear in the years to follow. Alice was as outgoing as I was shy and our personalities complimented each other. It wasn't long before I was spending every afternoon at her house, after Esme offered to care for me while my dad worked. As the local sheriff, Dad worked long hours, and I spent a lot of time with the Cullens. I know that Dad felt guilty, but Esme and Carlisle never minded, treating me like part of the family. I missed them both, and I wished I could visit them, but I just couldn't. There was no way I could risk running into Edward, or worse, Edward and Tanya, as I knew she often spent weekends there. She wasn't very far away, at UDub in Seattle.

The phone rang, and it startled me from my contemplation. I answered it, wishing once again that my dad would get a newer model with call display.

"Hello?" I couldn't help the burst of fear and hope that it would be Edward, which happened every time I answered the phone.

"Hey chica," Alice said. "A bunch of us are going to the movies. Come on, get your butt in gear and we'll pick you up."

"I don't feel like it, Alice," I sighed.

"Bella, you never come out with us anymore. Come on, you have to get out and have some fun!"

"Who's going?" I asked meekly.

Alice sighed.

"Me & Embry, Rosalie & Emmett, Jake, Edward..."

"No, Alice," I said, cutting her off. I couldn't do it. The thought of seeing Edward made me feel like my heart was being torn out. I crossed my free arm across my chest, as if I could hold myself together.

"Bella, you're going to have to see him at some point."

"I know," I said, and I did know. Alice was my best friend and he was her brother. "Just... not yet."

"Okay," Alice said in defeat. It was hard to defeat Alice, but this wasn't the first time we'd had this conversation, or one similar. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Ali."

I hung up and gathered my books from the table. I went upstairs to my bedroom, where I crawled into bed with _Great Expectations_. I was asleep by eight o'clock.

*~*~*~*~*

"That's it!" Alice ripped the covers off me. "No more of this!"

"What? Alice!" I grabbed the corner of my comforter and tried to pull it back. I was tired and I wanted to sleep. It had been forty-eight days since Edward and I broke up.

"You're getting up, Bella. I've had enough of this, and so has your dad. He's so worried about you that he's thinking about sending you to Jacksonville to live with your mom and Phil."

"What?!" I sat up in bed, looking at Alice in shock.

"Well that got your attention," she said.

"Fuck that," I said, getting out of bed. "If he thinks he can send me off to live with them like a fucking third wheel, so I can take care of their shit, he's got another fucking thing coming!"

"Why, Bella Swan! You just said fuck. Three times!" Alice looked shocked, as she should. I was never one to curse. Alice could curse like a biker, but Edward never did and I always followed his example. Then she grinned. "I like it!"

I sat back down on the bed, took a few calming breaths, and thought about Alice's news. If Charlie was ready to ship me off to Renee, things must have been worse than I thought. I wasn't missing any school, and my grades were still good. I was really trying to act like I was fine, but I guess I wasn't doing a very good job.

"I didn't realize he'd noticed," I said, looking at Alice.

"Bella," she said, sitting down and putting an arm around me, "everyone's noticed, Hon. You never socialize anymore, except with me, and you wouldn't even do that if I gave you a choice. You would lie here in your bed reading maudlin poetry all day if you could."

"You know why I can't go out with everyone, Ali," I said.

"Edward is away. He'll be gone all week. He's..." she hesitated, glancing at me.

"He's what?"

"He's gone to spend a week in Mexico with Tanya to celebrate the end of her exams, and then they'll be coming home."

I started to panic. I had managed to avoid seeing Edward since our break-up, which wasn't easy in a town the size of Forks. I managed by mostly staying home and going to school, with a weekly trip the grocery store. But if Charlie was going to send me to Florida if I didn't start going out more, I was going to have to see him at some point, and seeing him with Tanya would be exponentially worse.

"I didn't know she was going to come home for the summer," I said. "The way she spoke before she left last summer, I didn't think she'd come live in Forks ever again."

"Yeah, well, things change," Alice mumbled. I noticed a sour look on her face, and I wondered for the first time what kind of toll all this was taking on Alice. I had been so caught up in my bubble of pain that I didn't think about how she was affected.

"Are you okay, Alice?"

"Bella, it's hard on me too, you know? You're my best friend and he's my brother, and I love you both. And I'm mad at Tanya for breaking his heart, and I'm mad at him for breaking your heart, and for being so stupid for jumping at the chance when she wanted him back. And now I have to deal with her being at my house all the time. I got along with her fine before, but that was _before_. You know? And I miss you, Bella! We used to do _everything_ together, and now you're not there, and I _want_ you to be there. I don't want them to drive you away!"

Tears were streaming down Alice's face and I looked at her in shock before grabbing her and hugging her as tight as I could. We sat that way for a long time, both of us crying and hugging.

"Anyway," Alice said, wiping away the tears and trying to be her perky self, "you're going to get your ass in the shower, get dressed, pack a bag, and come spend the week at my house. We are going to hang out with our friends, get you reacquainted and comfortable with everyone, so that when _they_ come back, you will not be a fucking outsider. Everyone misses you, Bella, and we'll all be there to support you. Trust me."

So I did.


	3. Alleviated

**AN: I'm sorry this is so late. I blame Christmas, and preparations for Christmas, and travelling for Christmas... Big thanks to NCChris, who has agreed to be my beta on this fic. Thanks hon, I really appreciate your edits and input! **

When Edward and I started dating, I was afraid things would be a little awkward with Carlisle and Esme. I mean, they saw me as a daughter, and then I began dating their son. But they still treated me the same way they always had. Of course, Alice told me they had always known I _had a thing_ for Edward and weren't at all surprised when we started dating. That made me blush furiously because I thought I had been pretty good at hiding my feelings for Edward. Alice had snorted and rolled her eyes.

With Edward and I having broken up, I once again worried about how it would affect my relationship with his parents. Would they still see me as a daughter, or would the demise of my relationship with Edward cause them to distance themselves from me? A knot formed in my stomach as I followed Alice into the Cullen house. I took a deep breath.

"Hello," Alice called out as we stepped into the foyer.

Esme came around the corner quickly and pulled me into her arms.

"Bella, I'm so happy you're here. I've missed you so much," she said as she held me. I could feel the tears prickling my eyes, so I pulled away before I lost it.

"I'm so glad you're going to stay with us this week."

The smile she gave me was genuine, and I felt a huge sense of relief.

"I've missed you too, Esme. I'm really happy to be here."

Esme reached out and squeezed my hand.

"Well girls, come to the kitchen and I'll make you a snack. Bella, I want to hear how you've been."

Alice and I followed her to the kitchen. I wasn't really sure what to tell Esme. How have I been? I've been miserable, heartbroken, I felt like I had a gaping hole in my chest and I couldn't quite hold myself together. But I couldn't say any of this to Esme, because her son was the reason for the way I was feeling, and I didn't want to put her in an awkward position. So I told her that I was doing okay, and I mentioned a few good books I'd read, and told her about the English essay on which I got a 98%. Miraculously, Alice stayed quiet during the conversation.

Carlisle came home from work just before dinner was ready, and he gave me a hug and chucked me under the chin. He also seemed really pleased to see me, and he told me he'd missed having me around.

Sitting down to dinner with the Cullens was so familiar, and yet strange without Edward. Not only was he not there, but I could tell they were avoiding mentioning him. I appreciated the thought, but I felt guilty that they felt they couldn't talk about their own son. The whole situation was strange, and I yearned for things to go back to the way they were.

"What do you girls have planned for tonight?" Carlisle asked.

"Jake is having people over," Alice said.

Jacob Black was best friends with Alice's boyfriend Embry. Jake's dad Billy is one of my dad's closest friends, so I've known him since we were in diapers making mud pies together, but we haven't really been friends the whole time. We grew apart as we got older – I spent most of my time with the Cullens, and he with his friends on the res. That was until a bunch of us decided to go swimming at First Beach one day and I saw Jake and a group of his friends. I introduced him to my friends and vice versa. As soon as Embry's eyes met Alice's, no one else existed around them. I never believed in love at first sight until I saw it happen with them.

"Okay, well just be careful and call us if you need a ride for any reason," Carlisle said.

"Of course, Dad," Alice said, getting up and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

I followed her from the table, giving her parents a wave. We went upstairs to get ready. Alice decided to play Bella Barbie, and persisted even as I groused.

"I haven't gotten to dress you up in sooooo long, Bella!"

So, I let her have her fun, and I had to admit that I looked pretty good when she was finished with me. She didn't overdo it with the makeup, and she let me wear jeans, pairing them with a black camisole and a grey cashmere shrug. She wouldn't let me wear my Chucks, but I was surprised when the black Prada boots she handed me were actually flat. I felt pretty good when we finally left Alice's room and went downstairs.

"Wow," Carlisle said, "my two favorite girls look beautiful tonight." A thrill went through me at his words. He had always called us his two favorite girls. It felt good to know he still thought of me that way.

We both gave Carlisle and Esme hugs and promised not to be too late, and we were out the door. Once again I began to feel nervous. It had been a long time and a different life ago when I'd last been out with my friends.

There was only one car in the driveway when we got to Jake's, and I felt relieved because it would have been overwhelming to see a lot of people at once. Embry opened the door and pulled Alice into his arms before we could even knock. He looked over her shoulder and gasped.

"She's… she's alive!"

His look of mock shock had me rolling my eyes and grinning.

"Good to see ya, Bells," he said, throwing an arm over my shoulder and steering Alice and me towards the living room.

"It's good to see you too, Embry."

"You didn't have to stay away so long, you know. We're your friends too."

I smiled at him, but I didn't try to explain myself.

"Hey Bella," Jake said.

He was sprawled out on the couch, but he sat up straighter as we walked in.

"Hi Jake," I said as I sat down next to him.

Embry sat in an armchair across from us and pulled Alice onto his lap.

"How've you been?" Jake looked bigger than the last time I saw him, and that hardly seemed possible.

When we met him on the beach that day, it was the first time I'd seen him in a couple of years, and I was surprised by how much he'd grown. He towered over me, and he was very muscular. But now those muscles were even more defined, his biceps stretching the sleeves of his t-shirt.

"Okay," I said.

Jake flashed me a brilliant smile.

When Alice and Embry got together, Jake and I became friends again. He was a lot of fun to be around, and he always made me feel good about myself. For awhile I thought he might be developing feelings for me, but then I started going out with Edward. Jake and Edward kind of rubbed each other the wrong way, but they got along for the sake of Alice and Embry. I'd missed Jake the past few months, and I was happy to see him again.

"Alright, bitches," came a loud voice from the kitchen, accompanied by the door slamming against the wall, "the party can start. Quil Ateara is in the house!"

Jake rolled his eyes and I laughed. Wow. So that was what laughing felt like! I had forgotten. I looked over at Alice and she was grinning at me. She wanted me to come out to see my friends for a long time, and I could see _I told you_ so in her eyes. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Who wants a brew?" Quil called from the kitchen.

We could hear the clinking of beer bottles as he rustled in the fridge. We all answered in the affirmative, and he came into the living room juggling five bottles.

Jake reached over and twisted the top of my bottle off for me, which I appreciated because I hated the way it burned my palm. I took a swig of the beer and fought the grimace at the bitter taste. Beer was not my favorite thing.

"Bella Swan," Quil said, sitting down next to me and throwing an arm around me, "I thought you abandoned us."

He sniffed, pretending to cry.

I smiled at him, and he grinned back. I was really glad I had come. We all sat around and shot the shit, Quil, Jake and Embry entertaining us with stories about their antics at school. I wouldn't want to have to teach those three.

"Anyone else coming?" Quil asked.

"Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper are supposed to show up," said Alice.

The butterflies appeared in my stomach again. Jake, Embry and Quil weren't Edward's friends. They knew him and hung around with him, but only because of Alice. Emmett and Jasper, on the other hand, were Edward's best friends. Rosalie was Emmett's girlfriend and Jasper's sister, and also very, very good friends with Tanya. Yes, Forks is a very small town.

"There they are now," Jake said as a set of headlights appeared in his driveway.

He got up to greet them at the door.

The first thing I heard when they walked in the house was Emmett's booming voice. Emmett had always been a great big bear of a guy. Even in grade school he had a hard time fitting into the desks.

"Hey Bells," he said with a huge grin as he came into the living room, "long time no see!"

He grabbed my hand and yanked me off the couch and into a big hug. I took a deep breath as I tried not to cry. I hadn't seen Emmett since Edward and I broke up. We had always gotten along well, and really, who didn't get along with Emmett once they got to know him – and got past his intimidating size? He was easy-going and playful. I should have known that seeing him wouldn't be awkward. Having graduated with Edward the year before, Emmett too had taken a year off before college. He said it was because he wanted to work for a year and save up some money, but I thought it probably had more to do with the fact that Rosalie wasn't finished high school.

Rosalie had immediately gone to sit by Alice, the two of them talking and laughing quietly. I couldn't help the pang of jealousy that went through me. I felt left out. Alice and I had always been friendly with Rosalie, but she mainly hung out with Tanya and a few other friends who had graduated and gone off to college. So when senior year began, she started hanging around with us more. Then when I started dating Edward, he and I spent a lot of time with Emmett and Rosalie, and she and I started to get really close. When we broke up, she started to act strange around me. She wouldn't really look me in the eye, and it hurt. I couldn't really deal with all the people socializing in the caf when my world was falling apart anyway, so I started hiding out in the library and listening to my iPod during lunch, while Alice and Rosalie ate together.

"Hi, Bella," Jasper said, a Texas twang to his voice. He and Rosalie had moved to Forks when she and I were freshmen, and he was a sophomore. Rosalie had worked to rid herself of the accent, but Jasper's had lingered.

"Hi Jas. How are you?"

"Great," he said. "It's good to be home."

Unlike Edward and Emmett, Jasper had gone off to college – back to Texas in fact, which I imagine only reinforced the accent – and I hadn't seen him since the summer before. He hadn't been here for any of my relationship with Edward, which was actually kind of refreshing. He hadn't even come home for Christmas; his parents and Rosalie joined him in Texas where they all went to their grandparents' house for the holidays.

"It's good to see you," I said.

He looked different; older, more mature. I guess living away from home will do that. He looked good, too. His wavy blonde hair had been a lot shorter the last time I'd seen him. It now curled down to his chin, though he had it swept behind his ears. The way he was dressed was different too. He used to look quite preppy, in khakis, button-down shirts and loafers, which was actually the same way that Edward and Emmett dressed. Now he was in jeans, a black t-shirt and cowboy boots. The look suited him. He also looked like he had gained some muscle. Not like Jake had, but in a more subtle way. Maybe it was always there, but couldn't be seen in the button-downs.

"Bella?"

I realized I had been staring, and I snapped out of it.

"Sorry," I said, blushing, "I was just thinking that you look like you've changed."

He chuckled and shrugged. He sat down on the couch and motioned for me to join him.

"I don't think I have really," he said, "I just dress better."

"Texas looks good on you," I said in agreement.

He sat back and took a swig of his beer.

"You look good too, Bella. You look more grown up."

"That's just because Alice did my make-up," I said, blushing again.

"No, that's not it."

He frowned slightly and looked at me in a way that made me feel like he could see inside me, which was a frightening thought.

"How are you doing, Bella?"

"I'm fine," I said, plastering on a fake smile.

Jasper shook his head.

"Liar," he said, but his crooked grin softened the sentiment.

I had never noticed the way his left cheek dimpled when he smiled like that.

"Okay, so life sucks," I said truthfully. "This is me out making an effort so that my dad doesn't send me off to Florida to live with my mom. With only a couple of months left of high school, he was thinking of sending me away."

"Aren't you going away to school in the fall?"

"That's the plan," I said. "I don't really know what he was thinking. I didn't even hear of it first hand, he talked to Alice about it."

I couldn't believe I was talking about this with Jasper. We had been friends for a long time, but not close friends. The only way we'd kept in touch since he left for school was through Facebook, but for some reason I was finding it really easy to open up to him.

"Edward's an idiot," Jasper said, taking another swig of his beer.

I looked at him with my mouth hanging open, and he chuckled at my shock. I'd never heard him be anything but loyal to his best friend.

"Well he is," he continued. "He finally lost the luggage and hooked up with a great girl, and he went and fucked it all up."

I blushed again. I appreciated the sentiment. I hadn't wanted to put any of our friends in the awkward position of having to choose sides in all this, but it sure felt good to hear someone say they thought Edward made a mistake.

"Thanks, Jasper."

Jasper and I chatted some more and I got teased by Jake and Emmett. Once upon a time I would have just blushed and taken it, but I actually managed to zing them back a few times, and I couldn't help the tiny thrill I got when Jasper laughed at them.

When Alice and I left, I realized I'd had a great time, and for the first time in months, I actually felt happy.

"You were right, Ali," I said, as we drove back to her house.

Alice surprised me when she didn't gloat and say _I told you so_, but reached over and squeezed my hand instead. She really was a great friend.

"So," she said, after a brief silence, "tomorrow we're all hanging out at the beach."

"Sounds good," I said. "Who all's going to be there?"

Alice gave me a sideways glance and grinned.

"Are you asking about Jasper?"

"What? No! Why?"

"You two just looked kind of cozy," she said.

I thought about that for a minute. I had a really good time talking to Jasper tonight, but I'm nowhere near ready to start thinking about other guys, especially not one of Edward's best friends.

I shook my head.

"Jasper's just easy to talk to. There was no coziness."

"Okay," she said, her tone still teasing, but I knew she would drop it. For the moment, anyway.


	4. Reminded

**AN: Thank you so much to those of you who have added this story to your favorites and/or put the story (or me) on alerts, and especially thank you to those who have reviewed! Without my beta NCChris, this chapter would have been much different. Thank you, hon, for everything!**

Everyone else was already at the beach when we got there the next day. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Jake were already in their wetsuits, ready to surf. It was an unseasonably warm day for May in Washington, but you still wouldn't catch me in that water. I was there to hang out with my friends, have a cook-out and maybe take a walk to the tide pools, but definitely not to swim or surf.

Rosalie gave me an aloof _hello_ when I greeted her, but nothing more. I was happy she was going to be out surfing for awhile; she made me uncomfortable.

Alice, Embry, Quil and I sat on a piece of driftwood, watching the others surf. Jake was the best surfer, but Jasper and Rosalie weren't far behind. Emmett was too big to have the right balance to be a great surfer, but he did okay.

Alice and I laughed as Quil's stomach rumbled loudly enough for us to hear.

"I think that's a hint for us to start getting lunch ready," I said, and Alice nodded in agreement.

We had a cold lunch planned – saving the cook-out for dinner – and Alice and I took everything we needed out of the coolers and laid it out. Embry and Quil helped, but more food went into Quil's mouth than onto the picnic table he and Jake had carried down to the beach earlier. Alice smacked his hand as he reached for another sandwich half.

The others must have seen the activity on the beach, because they were coming in with their surf boards under their arms. I may have had a broken heart, but I wasn't blind and I could definitely appreciate the sight before me; Jasper, Emmett and Jake were always easy on the eyes, but the wetsuits accentuated every muscle, every curve and plane, and damn! Alice must have been ogling them too, because she let out an _oomphf_ sound as Embry elbowed her.

As hot as Emmett and Jake looked, it was Jasper I couldn't keep my eyes off, especially when he reached behind his back and tugged the zipper of his wetsuit down, and peeled down the top part. My eyes followed the path across his broad shoulders, down to his solid pecks, and travelled further still to his hard abs. The V of his pelvis disappeared into the wetsuit, which hung low on his waist. I was suddenly feeling a little warm.

Jasper caught my eye and I quickly looked away from him, blushing furiously. I glanced back at him out of the corner of my eye, and he was smirking at me. Damn.

I looked at Alice, and she gave me a knowing smile.

"No, Alice," I whispered. As we were talking the night before, she gave a few more hints that she thought I should go for Jasper, but every time I thought about Edward – and especially Edward with Tanya – I ached. Until that feeling went away, I couldn't think about anyone else. That didn't mean I couldn't appreciate his looks.

The surfers retreated to their vehicles to change out of their wetsuits, and the rest of us got a start on lunch. I filled up my plate and sat back down on a piece of driftwood next to Alice. When Rosalie came back from changing, she sat next to Alice.

"So, Rose," Alice began, but she was looking at me instead of Rosalie, "is Jas seeing anyone?"

I gave Alice a dirty look, and then glanced warily at Rosalie. She looked surprised for a moment, but then a mask of indifference slid into place.

"I'm not sure," she said with a shrug, "he and Maria have been on-again off-again all year. I think they're off-again right now, but they're always so hot and heavy, I'm sure they'll be back on before you know it."

I looked over at Jasper, sitting on another piece of driftwood, out of earshot. He was laughing and shaking his head at something Emmett said.

"Sick, dude," I heard Jake say, giving Emmett a shove, but he was laughing too. Emmett had obviously said something lewd.

"Who's Maria," Alice asked.

"Didn't I tell you about her before?" Rosalie asked, talking just to Alice and ignoring me.

Alice shook her head.

"We grew up with her. The three of us were always really good friends – sort of like you two and Edward," she said, glancing slyly at me.

My heart constricted. I couldn't believe she brought that up.

"They started dating before we moved away, but we were all so young and the long-distance thing didn't work. We've always kept in touch though, and Jas and Maria were so excited when they found out they were both going to A&M. I'm _sure_ I told you about her before, Alice! She's an amazing girl. She's absolutely gorgeous and really smart – she's on full scholarship. She already leads the Young Conservatives group on campus, which Jas is also really involved in. Apparently, she's a hot commodity on campus and could have any guy she wanted, but she wants my brother. Of course, he could have any girl he wanted too, but he won't date just anyone." She glanced at me again.

_Alright, Rosalie_, I thought, _message received_. Jasper was in a hot and heavy, on-again off-again relationship with the most amazing girl in the world, and was too good for someone like me. I got it. Not that I was looking to be involved with him anyways – that was all Alice's idea – but it pissed me off that she was so hell bent against me. I didn't understand what the fuck I did to piss her off so much! Edward broke up with me, not the other way around.

I got up and walked away. Rosalie probably thought I was upset that I didn't have a chance with Jasper, but I didn't care what she thought. I was upset, but not about that.

I started walking down the beach, not really sure where I was going other than away from the others. I was really trying not to cry. This was supposed to be a fun day; a time to reconnect with my friends, and Rosalie was making that difficult. As hard as I tried to fight it, a tear escaped the corner of my eye and I angrily swept it away with the back of my hand. I was frustrated with myself for crying. I'd done enough crying in the last few months, damn it!

"Bella!"

I kept walking, not wanting anyone to see my cry.

"Hey Bells, wait up!"

Jake caught up with me and threw an arm over my shoulder.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

I shook my head, pressing my palms against the corners of my eyes, stopping any tears that might be lurking.

We walked in silence for a bit, Jake's arm around my shoulder. It was really comfortable, being with him like that. We sat down when we got to a tidal pool, and I watched the activity in the vibrant and colorful microcosm.

"Are you ok, Bells?" Jake asked, breaking the long silence.

"Yeah," I said, failing to look at him.

"So, what the fuck crawled up Rosalie's ass and died?"

I looked at him, my eyes wide. He was smirking at me, and I just couldn't help it. I lost it. I was giggling so hard I felt like I was going to wet myself, and Jake's deep laughter mixed with the occasional snort just goaded me on. When I finally got a hold of myself, I was wiping away tears of laughter, instead of frustration or sadness.

"Thanks Jake, I needed that."

"Any time," he said. "Seriously, though, what's her problem? I thought you two were tight?"

"I don't know," I said, and I wished I had an answer for him.

"Your girl Alice should nip that shit in the bud," he said.

"She's in a difficult position," I said, defending her, but a big part of me agreed with him. I was grateful to Alice for bringing me back out of myself, making me have a social life, but I was hurt that she let Rose exclude me the way she did.

"Whatever. I got your back, Bells," he said.

I grinned at him, because I knew it was true.

We made our way back to the others, where Emmett and Embry were wrestling on the beach. They were a pretty even match. Jasper was sitting talking to Quil. Alice and Rosalie were once again off to the side, their heads bent together in private conversation. I didn't feel inclined to join them.

Jake sat next to Quil at the picnic table, and I sat across from him, next to Jasper. They were talking about politics, and that reminded me that Rosalie said Jasper was really involved with the Young Conservatives at A&M. I was a little surprised because I hadn't known Jasper was that into politics, so I asked him about it.

"What? No, not really," he said, looking confused. "Is that what Rosalie told you?"

"Yeah, she said that your girlfriend was the leader of the group and that you were really into it."

"Not by choice," he mumbled. He looked at me with a guarded look. "I was going out with the girl who leads that organization, yes, and it became her life so I was involved for her. But, nah, that's not for me."

I nodded. It seemed pretty removed from his personality.

"You're not with her anymore?" Jake asked.

"No," Jasper said, looking down at the picnic table and tracing the wood grain with his finger. "Look, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Sure, sure," said Jake, raising his hands in front of him. "Sorry, dude."

"Naw, don't worry about it," Jasper said, but he got up and walked off down the beach.

"Damn," Jake said. "Looks like she worked him over."

I watched as Jasper walked and wondered if he was nursing a broken heart too. Rosalie seemed to think that their separation was nothing serious, but Jasper's abrupt mood change didn't point to that at all.

"Hey Bells," Emmett said, elbowing me playfully as he took Jasper's spot.

"Hey yourself," I said.

Quil got up to take his turn wrestling with Embry, leaving Jake, Emmett and me at the table.

"Bells, I've been meaning to tell you," Emmett started, running a hand through his short cropped curls, "I'm really sorry about the way that everything went down with you and Edward."

I shrugged and looked at Jake, feeling a little panicked. I didn't really want to talk about Edward right now. I'd been feeling emo enough without dwelling on him.

"Hey Emmett, maybe now's not the best time," Jake said.

Emmett ignored him and continued looking at me.

"I just want you to know that as soon as he started talking to Tanya again, I told him it was a bad idea," he said, banging his fist down on the picnic table.

"What?" I asked.

"I mean, at first he said she just wanted to be friends with him again, but yeah right," he continued, ignoring the fact that I'd spoken.

I was shocked. What the fuck was he talking about? Tanya had only called Edward the night before we broke up. Hadn't she?

"And then he told us she wanted to get back together, but he said he was into you. I didn't know she'd change his mind, Bella, or I would've talked some sense into him."

The world felt like it was spinning and I clutched the picnic table to keep myself steady. Edward and Tanya had been in contact for awhile before we broke up, and he kept it from me? She was trying to get him back and he must have been considering it for awhile. That meant that when we were intimate the night before we broke up, he probably already knew...

Oh God. I felt like I was going to be sick. I jumped up from the picnic table and ran, Jake and Emmett calling my name behind me. Memories rushed to the surface.

_Edward and I were lying on my bed, trading kisses. His tongue traced the shell of my ear before he took my earlobe in his mouth and sucked on it. I moaned and slid my leg up over his._

_He rolled over so that he was partially on top of me and slid his hand up under my shirt, cupping my breast through my bra. I reached down and slid my hand into the back of his jeans, feeling his bare ass._

_"Bella," he groaned, bucking into me._

_He reached down and undid my jeans before sliding his hand in my underwear. I gasped at the feeling; it was the first time he had touched me there. I closed my eyes and moaned as his fingers found my clit. I moved my hand from his ass and tried to undo his pants, but Edward caught my hand._

_He pulled my jeans and underwear down over my hips and off my legs. He looked at the door to my bedroom._

_"Charlie's watching the Mariners game," I said, "he won't come up."_

_Edward bent down to my mound and I felt so exposed and embarrassed that I was sure I was blushing everywhere. As his tongue slid through my folds, I no longer cared._

I ran up the hill to where the cars were parked. I knew I couldn't leave – Alice had the keys to her car – but I just needed to get away. I hoped no one followed me.

When I got to the top of the hill, I saw Jasper leaning against his truck. He looked up as I turned to walk the other way.

"Bella? Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Jasper."

"Bullshit," he said. "Listen Bella, you can talk to me."

I stopped and turned around.

"I don't think I can talk to you about this," I said, swiping my hands across my face to wipe the tears. "FUCK! I'm sick of crying!"

Jasper looked like he was fighting a smile at my use of a profanity, but he looked serious as he took a step towards me.

"You can talk to me about Edward," he said, "I already told you I think he's an idiot for breaking up with you."

"Idiot isn't quite the word I'm thinking of right now," I said, suddenly angry.

"Douche?" he offered, "Motherfucker? Dickhead? Mouth breathing asshole?"

I gaped at him for a moment before I broke into laughter. He grinned.

"Here," he said, walking to the back of his truck and bringing down the tailgate, "hop up."

He hoisted himself up and I did the same, sitting next to him. He looked at me, but he didn't say anything, letting me take my time.

"I just found out that Edward and Tanya had been talking for awhile before we broke up. I thought he only spoke to her the night before."

I looked over at Jasper, and he just nodded, letting me talk.

"I don't know," I said, looking away, "I guess it wouldn't be such a big deal, but..."

"But what?" he asked gently.

I hesitated. I didn't want to get too personal.

"If Edward was already considering breaking up, I don't know why... why he... we..." I stuttered. Finally I sighed and just spit it out.

"We were intimate the night before we broke up."

"What?" Jasper asked, astonished.

He got up off the tailgate and stood looking away from me. When he turned back, his jaw was clenched and his eyes were narrowed. He looked really angry.

"He had sex with you?" he asked in a tight voice. He grasped the tailgate tightly.

"Well, not... no, but... we went further than we'd ever been before," I muttered. God, I couldn't believe I was talking about this, let alone to one of Edward's best friends.

"Fucking bastard," he said. He slammed his fist down, sending vibrations through the tailgate.

I didn't understand why he was so upset, and I felt guilty for telling him. I didn't want to cause a problem between him and Edward.

"Jasper," I said, "I don't know for sure that he was considering breaking up. I mean, maybe they were just talking as friends, and then that night..."

"No, you were right," Jasper said, tersely. "He told me he was breaking up with you that night. I was surprised the next day when he called me and told me he hadn't yet, but he was going to do it after school."

I felt dizzy. It was one thing to conjecture, but Jasper just confirmed it. Edward was intimate with me, knowing we were going to break up. I started to hyperventilate.

"Bella," Jasper said, putting one hand on either side of me on the tailgate and looking me in the eye, "calm down. Come on, breathe darlin'."

I kept looking in his eyes and my breathing started to slow.

"That's it," he said.

He moved back beside me and watched to make sure I was okay.

Alice appeared at the top of the hill.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asked.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"Maybe you should go home," Jasper said softly, and I nodded again.

"Okay," Alice said, looking worried, "let me just tell the others..."

"I'll tell them," Jasper cut her off.

Alice nodded as I got down from the tailgate.

"Thanks, Jasper," I said in a low voice as I started walking away. He nodded.

We got into Alice's car and we pulled away. Jasper gave us a small wave as we drove past him, but when I turned around and looked at him again – when I'm sure he thought we couldn't see him any longer – he slammed his tailgate and kicked the truck.


	5. Invested

**AN: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I can't tell you how much it means to me. Thanks as always to my beta, NCChris. You rock, hon! **

**Speaking of NCChris, this story was rec'd on the Jasper's Darlin's Blog today. Check it out: jaspersdarlins(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/02/wednesday-rec(dot)html**

JPOV

"Son of a BITCH!"

I slammed the tailgate of my truck and gave it a kick for good measure. I could kill that motherfucker! I couldn't believe Edward did that to Bella. The asshole knew he was breaking up with her, so what the fuck was he thinking?

He was thinking with his dick, that's what. But Bella! Jesus, she was such a sweet, good person, and she completely adored Edward. He had to have known how much the breakup would affect her. Jesus, everyone could see how in love with him she was, and that was before they were even together. So why the fuck would he screw around with her right before he broke things off? That's just fucked up.

I got out my cell phone and was scrolling through my contacts list to call him when Emmett came up the hill.

"Dude, what the fuck's going on?" he asked.

"You tell me what happened down there first," I said, crossing my arms and leaning against my truck.

"I told Bella I thought it was a bad idea when Edward started talking to Tanya again, and she flipped out."

I gave him a _how could you be so stupid_ look. Sometimes Emmett just didn't think before he spoke.

"I take it she didn't know they'd been talking?" he asked, looking sheepish.

"No, she didn't," I told him. "She thought the first phone call was the night before they broke up."

"Fuck," he said, leaning against the truck beside me.

We were silent and I could still feel the fury burning inside me. Part of me wanted to tell Emmett the rest of the story so that he'd be as pissed at Edward as I was, but I couldn't betray Bella's confidence like that. She was a very private person, and I was surprised that she'd even told me as much as she had. If she'd had more time to process it, I'm sure she wouldn't have.

"Sorry bro, I wasn't thinking," Emmett said, looking guilty. He looked at me and his expression changed; he looked perplexed.

"Why are you so pissed?" he asked.

"I can't tell you, Emmett," I said, pushing myself away from the truck, "but let's just say that Edward handled things with Bella even worse than we thought. I'm not happy with him."

"But why? Why do you care?"

Why did I care? I mean, bros before... well that was just it. Bella wasn't a _ho, _and that's exactly the way Edward treated her. If I didn't know the girl, would it matter so much? Maybe not, but it would still matter. My Mom and Dad raised me to treat a lady with respect, and I know Carlisle and Esme did the same with Edward. Man, if they knew how he had treated Bella, the girl who was practically part of their family, they would flip their shit. I was certain they didn't know anything about it. I wondered how much Alice knew.

"I can't go into it without betraying Bella's confidence," I told him, "but you'd care too, big man. Trust me."

Emmett looked frustrated, but I knew he wouldn't push me.

"I'm gonna get going," I told him, fishing my keys out of my pocket. I was already thinking about leaving when Bella found me earlier, and after our conversation I felt even less like being around a bunch of people.

"Alright man. Maybe we'll have that cookout tomorrow."

"Maybe," I said, climbing into my truck. I watched as Emmett took off down the hill before pulling away.

As I drove back towards Forks, I debated calling Edward or waiting until he came back the following weekend. He and Tanya would be arriving back on Saturday, in exactly a week. I decided to wait and talk to him in person. Maybe my temper would have cooled down by then. Maybe.

I had the house to myself when I got home – Mom and Dad were at some kind of home show – and I was glad about that. I really didn't want to talk to anyone. As I sat half-watching an old episode of _Seinfeld_, my thoughts left Edward and Bella and returned to my own problems. Maria.

Fucking Rose, going around telling people about her. I was really trying to leave all that behind me in Texas.

Going to A&M – back to Texas – had been really good at first. It felt comfortable, and I think I got back to my roots a bit. I stopped dressing like a fucking prep, for one thing. I don't even remember why I started dressing like that. It wasn't intentional, I think I just kind of fell into step with Edward and Emmett. That shit right there just didn't fly with me; I wasn't a fucking follower. So going back to Texas was good for me in that sense – it let me begin to figure out who I was.

Seeing Maria again was amazing. She was the same girl I left behind when we moved to Washington – beautiful, smart, temper like a spitfire – but she was different too. She'd grown into herself, and she was a lot more confident. That's how I saw it at first, anyway. There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. I really admired her passion for the things she believed in, but again, there's a fine line between passion and obsession. Maria was always one to push limits.

I flipped the tv off and got up off the couch. I really didn't want to think about Maria. I needed something to do to get my mind off shit. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found Alice's numbers in my contacts.

"Hey, how's Bella?" I asked when she picked up.

"I don't know, she won't really talk to me."

"Is she with you, or did you bring her to her house?"

"She wanted to go home, but I convinced her to come back to my house. I just wish she'd talk to me." Alice sounded perplexed, and a little hurt.

"Well maybe she'd talk to you if you hadn't ignored her all day," I said irritably. It hadn't escaped my notice that Alice and my sister were in their own little bubble, with Bella on the outside.

"I didn't..."

"Yeah Alice, you did. I know my sister gets possessive – shit I know that better than anybody – but don't let her get between you and Bella."

Alice was quiet on the other end of the line. I sighed.

"Shit Alice, I'm sorry. It's none of my business. Why am I even..." I trailed off, speaking more to myself than Alice. Why was I getting involved? That wasn't like me. I never stuck my nose in other people's business.

"No, it's ok Jas. I didn't realize I was doing that," she said softly. The line went quiet and I felt uncomfortable, not knowing what to say, but Alice continued, "thank you for being there for her today."

"Uh, yeah... sure," I said.

"You know, at one time I thought maybe you and Bella..." she trailed off.

"Bella's always been in love with your brother, Alice," I scoffed.

"I know," she said, "but he was with Tanya, and you seemed like you might have been interested."

"Alice," I sighed, "for once in your life stop trying to play matchmaker."

Alice laughed softly, but without much humor, her mind obviously still on Bella.

"Ok Jasper," she said, "I'll let Bella know you called. And I'll try to talk to her again."

We said goodbye and hung up, and I went upstairs to my bedroom, slipping my iPod into its docking station and randomly selecting a playlist. I was hoping that by filling the dead air with music I could just stop thinking for a bit. I lay down on my bed, my hands behind my head, and closed my eyes.

"_Seriously, Jas, this is our last summer in Forks, so we have to make it count," Edward said as we sat together at Forks High's annual Spring Dance._

"_What do you mean, our last summer in Forks?" I asked. "We'll be home from college next summer."_

"_Not me," Edward said. "Tanya doesn't want to come back, so we're going to find jobs and stay in Seattle."_

"_Did I hear my name?" Tanya asked, plopping herself down on Edwards lap and into our conversation, as usual._

"_I was just telling Jasper that we have to make this summer count since you and I'll be in Seattle next summer."_

_Tanya made a noncommittal gesture and looked away. When she turned back to us, she had a saccharine look on her face._

"_Jazzy," she said, using the nickname I hated, "you should ask Alice to dance. You two would make a really cute couple."_

_I looked over to the next table where Alice sat with Bella and two other juniors. Alice was cute, but not at all my type. She was way too hyper for me; I couldn't handle that kind of frenzy. Besides, she was Edward's kid sister, and I kind of saw her that way too._

_Bella, on the other hand, I'd been thinking about a lot. She was very shy, but really sweet, and I always thought she was very pretty. She and Alice had been spending a lot more time with us, and the more I got to know her, the more I liked her._

_I must have been staring too long because Edward cleared his throat._

"_Don't even think about it," he said, misinterpreting the direction of my look._

"_I'm not," I said, but I was a little offended. If I had wanted to date Alice, he'd have a problem with it? I didn't care that Emmett was dating __**my**__ little sister, though maybe that was because I knew I didn't have to worry about Rose getting hurt. She wore the pants in that relationship, and everyone knew it._

"_What about Bella?" I asked quietly._

"_Right," Tanya snorted. "Everyone knows she's completely in love with Edward." She smooshed his face and laughed derisively._

"_Tanya," Edward said, pushing her hands away from his face._

"_Seriously Jazzy, if you can pry her eyes away from my man, go to it."_

_I knew that Tanya had a point, it was obvious that Bella had a crush on Edward. Surely she saw it was a lost cause though, when Tanya had our boy by the balls. Quite literally too, because as Edward told it, she was a wildcat in the sack. He'd never let her go if he had the choice._

"_What the fuck," I said, deciding to man up. I walked over to her table. "Hey Bella, would you like to dance?"_

"_Sure, Jas," she said, taking my outstretched hand. Her cheeks were flushed red, and I thought she looked even prettier when she blushed."I'm not a very good dancer, though."_

"_Don't worry about it," I said, "no one here is. Everyone just kind of turns in circles anyway." _

_I actually was a pretty good dancer, but I grew up in Texas where I learned the two-step – amongst other dances – at a young age. I wasn't lying to Bella though, and I could tell her confidence boosted as she looked around at the other couples on the floor and saw that they were indeed just turning in circles._

_I liked the feeling of her in my arms, it felt right. I wondered if she felt it too. I pulled away a little to look down at her, but she wasn't looking at me. I followed her gaze across the dance floor, to where Edward and Tanya were grinding together more than dancing. The look of agony on Bella's face told me everything I needed to know. She felt more for Edward than a simple crush, and I had no chance._

_I was disappointed, but I figured it was probably for the best anyway, since I was leaving for Texas in a few months. I hoped that distance and time away from Edward would allow Bella to move on. She really was a nice girl, and she deserved to be happy._

_When Edward called me a couple of months after Tanya had broken up with him and told me he was dating Bella, I was surprised. I didn't think he would ever see her the way she saw him. I hoped he wasn't on the rebound, but he seemed really happy, and I knew Bella would be. I was happy for them._

So much for not thinking. So okay, I liked Bella. She was a nice girl and she was attractive – hell, even more so than before as she'd matured over the year – and maybe that was part of the reason that I cared so much about what Edward had done to her. I wasn't stupid enough to think that it was a good time to get involved, though. She was clearly not over Edward, and I was more than a little fucked up over Maria. No, Bella just really needed a friend, and I wanted to be that for her.

I heard gravel crunching on our driveway, so I got up and looked out my bedroom window. I saw Emmett attempting to perform a tonsillectomy on Rosalie, and looked away, disgusted. When I finally heard the car door slam and knew she was coming inside, I left my room and headed downstairs. I needed to have a little talk with my sister.

**Reviews are love, people! Show me the love!**


	6. Informed

**I know, it's been ages since I've updated this story. You probably thought I flounced it, but there's still story to tell here, and I'm not abandoning it! Big, huge thanks to my beta NCChris. *smooches***

I was waiting when Rosalie walked in the door.

"What?" she asked defensively, taking off her shoes and breezing past me.

I turned and followed her to the kitchen, and waited until she pulled a Diet Coke from the fridge and popped the top before I started speaking.

"What's going on with Bella?"

She quirked an eyebrow at me and took a sip from her soda. "I don't know what you mean," she said.

I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"You're being a fucking bitch to her, that's what I mean."

Rosalie shook her head and tried to move past me.

"Rose," I said, blocking her, "what's your damage?"

"Fuck you, Jasper! You have no idea what's been going on." She stepped around me and stomped to the living room.

"That's why I'm asking!" I followed her and manually shut the TV off after she flipped it on with the remote. She glared at me and turned it back on, but I turned it off again. "I'm not gonna leave you alone until you tell me."

She threw the remote down on the couch and crossed her arms, trying to kill me with a withering look. I sat down in the armchair beside the couch, leaning forward with my forearms on my thighs.

"I don't know why you care so much, Jas. If you're interested in her, just... don't. Trust me. I know she seems all sweet, and innocent, and nice, but things aren't always what they seem."

"What?" I asked, perplexed. "How is Bella not what she seems? And I just care because we're her friends, Rose, or at least you used to be. You even told me you'd become really good friends this year."

"Yeah," Rose said, shaking her head and looking away from me, "and I paid for that."

"What do you mean?"

"When Tanya found out I was hanging around with Bella, she got really pissed at me. I didn't get it, because, she broke up with Edward, right? But she said she had her reasons, and she said that if I kept hanging around with Bella, our friendship was over."

"What the fuck? Bitch!" I shook my head. I had never liked Tanya much, and never understood what Edward saw in her, besides the obvious. "So what, Rose, you just followed along like her little lapdog?"

"No, Jasper, fuck you! I stood up for her, and Tanya cut me out," she yelled.

I was shocked. I had no idea. Rose and Tanya had been best friends since we moved to Forks; they had bonded immediately, though I never understood what Rose saw in her either.

"When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, quietly.

Without looking at me, Rosalie shrugged and didn't answer. I was pretty sure I knew, anyway. Rose and her fucking pride.

"Then she called me again a few weeks ago," she continued, "and she apologized. She explained everything to me. Things that you obviously don't know or you wouldn't be so 'Team Bella' either. Apparently your best friend doesn't tell you and Emmett everything."

"Like what?" What the hell was she talking about?

"Tanya always knew about Bella's crush on Edward, but he always just laughed it off, saying he thought of her like a sister. When she heard they were going out, she was hurt that he got over her so quickly..."

I interrupted with a snort. What bullshit; Tanya was probably fucking everything that moved at college. Rosalie glared at me before continuing.

"... and shocked that he was with Bella. And that's when she found out that Edward's feelings for Bella had _never_ been very 'brotherly'. Bella was fucking Edward while he was still with Tanya."

My mouth dropped open and I couldn't speak. I just shook my head and looked at her before I got my wits about me and practically yelled "Bullshit!"

"Believe what you want, but it's true," Rosalie said archly.

"No it's not. Jesus, Rose, how can you believe that?"

"Tanya has never lied to me, Jas."

"Ha! I don't believe that, either. Okay, let's say she's not lying. Did she tell you how she 'found out'?" I asked, sarcastically making air quotes.

"Edward broke down and confessed," she said, and responding to the disbelieving look on my face, continued. "He asked her not to tell anyone, that he was ashamed, and that he hadn't even told you or Emmett. She didn't tell me for a long time, but she needed to explain why she was so upset when Edward started dating the girl he'd been cheating on her with. And I shouldn't be telling you, but I'm really sick of all the 'poor Bella' shit around here. I'm pissed at Edward too, but he and Tanya are working it out, and he's doing his best to make it up to her. But Bella, she's going around playing the victim, and I'm sick of it. And now you're back, and she thinks she can sink her hooks into you! Uh unh, not gonna happen."

"Rose," I said calmly, "I don't believe any of this, and I can't believe you've fallen for it. Did you ask Emmett about it? Have you talked to Edward?"

"Of course not. I told you, Tanya asked me not to say anything."

"She's lying to you, Rosalie, and when they get back, this is all going to blow up in her face. I know you won't believe a word Bella says, but all we have to do is ask Edward. "

"Fine," Rosalie said, "But we do it together with both of them there so he can't weasel out of it."

"That's just fine," I responded with a grin. I was looking forward to seeing Tanya squirm. "Rosie, in the meantime, do me a favor and don't be such a bitch to Bella. Please. You're gonna feel like shit about that when the truth comes out."

Rosalie didn't look convinced, but she rolled her eyes and nodded her agreement.

"But Jas, do _me_ a favor, and don't go falling for her. Even if you're right, that would just be a fucking mess. And what about Maria? Are you seriously telling me it's over for good this time?"

My jaw tensed as I looked down at the ground in front of me. "I'm sure."

"You guys have broken up before, and..."

I looked up at her and took a deep breath. "She cheated on me."

"What?" Rosalie's eyes blazed as she reached for her phone on the coffee table. I grabbed it before she could. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"This is why, Mama Bear," I answered, waving her iPhone at her, knowing she was about to call Maria. "I don't need you fightin' my battles for me."

"I can't believe her! How could she do that to you? Who was he?"

"A guy from the Young Conservatives," I said with a shrug. "I pulled back, spending less and less time with the organization, while she got more and more fanatical about it. She started spending a lot of time with him, and I got suspicious. One day when I was supposed to be in class, I showed up at her dorm room and used the key she gave me. He was fucking her on her desk."

"Jas," Rosalie said softly, reaching over and running her hand over my hair. "I'm so sorry."

I let her comfort me for a minute before I grabbed her hand, squeezing it before letting it go.

"So yeah," I said, "it's over for good this time."

Rosalie nodded. "It'd better be. You'd better not take her back after that."

We sat in silence for a moment, but I could tell that she wanted to say something else.

"Spit it out, Rosie."

"I just... after going through that, Jas, how can you so easily believe that Edward and Bella weren't screwing around behind Tanya's back?"

"Because," I sighed, running a hand through my hair, "Bella's just not like that. And Edward... Edward is so ass-over-teakettle in love with Tanya, he's blind to anything or anyone else. He never looked at another girl when he was with her. I hate to say it, but he was just on the rebound with Bella. If anything, Bella and I aren't so different in our situations. I'm not saying Edward cheated on her with Tanya, he at least had the decency of breaking up with Bella first. And that's the thing, Edward's a decent guy..."

I trailed off as I thought of Bella's revelation today, of what Edward had done the night before they broke up, and questioned just how decent he was. But I still didn't believe he ever would have cheated on Tanya.

"Let's not say anything to Emm yet, okay?" Rose asked. "However this turns out, he's going to be pissed at me for not talking to him about it and it'll be easier for me to deal with once the truth is out."

I nodded in agreement. I was sure Emmett would feel the same way I did, and I didn't want to cause any problems between him and my sister.

Rosalie stretched as she got up off the couch, and muttered something about going to her room. I suspected she needed time to think shit through. I was worn the fuck out. I felt like I had everyone else's emotional baggage wearing on me as well as my own. I leaned back in the recliner and popped the lever to put my feet up. I realized I still had Rosalie's iPhone in my hand and itched to call Edward again. But Rose and I had a deal to sort it out when they got back, and doing it all in person would be better anyway.

I scrolled through Rose's contacts, and was surprised to see that she hadn't removed Bella. I guess she hadn't gotten around to it. Thinking, I tapped the phone against my chin a couple of times before I muttered "fuck it" and called her.

It rang a few times before I realized how stupid I was being, calling her from Rose's phone. Would she actually pick up? I sure as hell wouldn't if I were her. But after another couple rings, I heard her voice.

"Hey," Bella said tentatively, her confusion evident.

"Hey Bella, it's Jasper."

"Oh, hey Jas," she said with palpable relief. "What's up?"

"I'm um... I'm just calling to see how you're doing."

"I'm ok," she said, though her voice was a little rough, and I knew she'd been crying some more. "Thanks, Jas. For calling, and for... everything, before at the beach."

"Yeah, sure," I said, feeling a little bashful. "So, um... Emmett mentioned maybe having the cookout tomorrow. You gonna go?"

"Uh, I don't know," she responded. "I don't really feel like being around everyone right now."

Fuck. She was going to revert right back into herself. Well fine, if she didn't want to be in a crowd, she didn't have to be in a crowd.

"Yeah, I get that. But hey, how about driving down to Lake Quinault with me instead?"

Bella hesitated, so I kept talking.

"It's one of my favorite places, and I haven't been there in awhile. C'mon, what do you say?"

"I don't know, Jasper, I have a lot of homework..."

"Bring it with you. It's really peaceful there, great place to do homework." I don't know why I was trying so hard to get her to come with me, but it just felt like something I needed to do.

"Alright," she agreed after a moment, and I grinned.

We arranged for me to pick her up the next day at the Cullens', and I hung up with a smile. I was feeling pretty good about it until I heard Rosalie clear her throat behind me. When I turned to look at her, she was scowling at me and holding out her hand. I passed her the phone.

"Don't go there, Jas."

"Just being a friend, Rose."

She walked away, throwing a "whatever" at me over her shoulder. I understood her concern, I really did. But I wasn't looking for anything with Bella besides friendship, not with both of us fucked up over other people. Then I thought of the way she looked at me at the beach today, when I came out of the water and started taking off my wetsuit, and her subsequent blush when I caught her looking. And then I thought about how cute she looked as she laughed and enjoyed herself last night and today, before all the shit went down. Nah, just friends. Maybe if I kept telling myself that, I'd believe it.


End file.
